Conviction
by Crosslit.Heavens
Summary: As Loki confronts Thanos, he confronts his own truth...and notices an interesting parallel. WARNING: Contains spoilers for Infinity War.


**Hello, everyone, and welcome to the story!**

 **This is a quick thought I had, and I hope you enjoy it. But before you begin reading, please note the following warning.**

 **WARNING: This story has spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War. If you haven't seen the film, you probably don't want to read.**

 **Again...**

 **WARNING: This story has spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War.**

 **That is all. Enjoy!**

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 **~ Conviction ~**

 **By: Crosslit . Heavens**

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The weight of the familiar dagger felt heavy in his hand—perhaps too heavy, too telling a burden. He smiled as he unleashed a string of pretty, precise words, even though they meant nothing.

Well, not nothing.

There were things he did truly mean, truly feel; it was not all a string of precisely calculated words. It had taken him a while to come to terms with these hidden feelings, to truly accept them, but as he spoke his words carried a weight heavier than the dagger itself.

"…Odin's son*…" He looked at his brother when the title left his lips to see Thor staring back at him, just the smallest bit of disbelief in his single-eyed gaze along with so many other things—

Sadness was one of them.

Love another.

And, of course, the begging plea for Loki not to do what he was about to do.

But what choice did he truly have? There were a few ways he could trick and cheat death, but none of them meant that Thor would definitely be alive in the end (if there was truly any guarantee of that). It was a painful choice to make—to choose to die rather than live—but Loki had made it.

It had taken him a moment to decide, of course. He had told himself he didn't care what happened to his brother, as he had told himself so many times before. But then, as with all those other times, he had realized the startling truth: he did care.

This time he had simply listened to that truth, instead of ignoring it.

And instead of a disgusting truth, Loki found it a freeing one.

Of course he cared. He had always cared, hadn't he? That care had merely been wrapped up, hidden by too many other emotions—anger, pride, despair, to mention a few. Somewhere along the line he had begun to tell himself he was a broken, unwanted thing—perhaps in the vault that day, with Odin unveiling the truth behind all the lies, the fact that Loki was not his son by blood. Somewhere along the line Loki had come to think of caring as futile…because he was unworthy of being cared about.

That had never been the truth, of course—

Or maybe it had; it didn't matter now.

Because what mattered was this: whether he was worthy or not, he had people in his life—namely Thor—who had continued to love him despite whatever brokenness he may have been plagued with. It had taken him a while, but Thor had finally come to see Loki for what he was, and even before then, he had deemed Loki important.

And now Loki had finally found—no, realized he already had—something to care about other than himself, and that made him no longer feel broken.

And so he used the dagger—or tried to, rather. He knew it wouldn't work, of course. He knew Thanos would kill him, and he was prepared for it. Even in the midst of it happening, he found some form of contentment.

Thanos would kill him, and leave his dead body there for Thor to mourn while the Titan sought out the other Infinity Stones…and Thor would live. This was the best chance for Thor to live.

So it was alright.

This time the Trickster had tricked himself by being more loving than he had ever thought he could be.

And there was another thing, one more thing—

Loki could see it in Thanos' eyes, even as Loki gasped for breath: _Thanos would lose_.

How familiar those words were. Once, not too long ago and yet long enough, someone had told Loki the same thing.

 _"_ _You're going to lose."_

It was that agent, that mild-mannered man who had said it. The one Loki had killed.

 _"_ _You lack conviction."_

He had been right, of course—Loki had lost, and he had lacked conviction at the time. The same was true for Thanos, though Loki doubted anyone, maybe even the Titan himself, could see it.

But it was there.

Loki saw it now, as he gasped and leaned towards the shadow that was death, and he had seen it before, that short yet long time ago, when he'd first met the Infinity Stone seeking villain.

Thanos believed in what he was doing, of course. To most it would look like an unshakable belief, something that rested in the very visages of his soul. And yet…somewhere deep, in fleeting moments, there was a hesitation, as if the Titan knew the cost was too great. However small, some part of him held back, would always hold back, and that would be his downfall.

That small part of him would create a window for his defeat, and he would never be praised as he wanted to be. As if he would have been praised in the first place.

Loki wondered if that mild-mannered agent from years ago might have commented on the Titan's delusions.

Loki tried to spit out a laugh, but there was no strength for it. Instead, he managed the words: "You will never be a god."

He didn't care what Thanos' reaction to his words was. In that moment he felt death coming, and tried his hardest to look away, look off to the side where Thor was. If he was going to have a last sight before dying, he refused to allow it to be the face of his killer.

But death welcomed him in, and Loki could no longer see.

…...

Until he could see again—could see everything clearly.

Perhaps for the first time.

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 _* - I'm pretty sure Loki said "Odin's son" instead of "Odinson" here, which I feel has more emotional impact._

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 **Hello again! I hope you enjoyed the short.**

 **I'll just go ahead and say it: I didn't really like Infinity War. I mean, it was okay, but not what I was hoping. And I didn't like how Loki died-not just because I feel like it was only for shock effect, he could have lived, and I thought it was honestly a bit too brutal (I felt sick afterwards and almost left the theater for a few minutes). But that's just me. I love Loki too much and think he deserves better. Hopefully Part 2 of Infinity War (or whatever it ends up being called) redeems this part of the story...And if not, I'll just have to write him a better ending.**

 **Personally, I don't think Loki is dead (though I tried to write the ending of this to go either way). No matter what they do in the next film, in my mind he did some mumbo-jumbo while he was offscreen/hiding, and after everything is said and done he'll come back, and he and Thor can rule earthy-Asgard as brothers, and everyone lives happily. This is what I think, and no one can change my mind.**

 **LOL**

 **Anyway...thank you for reading! I had fun paralleling the original Avengers and Infinity War. If you enjoyed this short, please feel free to leave me a review and let me know. And if you're a huge Loki dork like me, please check out my Mischief's Destiny series (which I will be updating fairly soon...just saying).**

 **Thank you again, and God bless!**

 **Cross ~**


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